What would happen next?

I hope that this is just PMS. I am really hoping that it’s just the only reason, so three days after that or a week after, I am alive again – excited, energetic, full of hope.

pms

So, what am I supposed to do after I type and post this? I don’t know. Maybe a routine of scrolling my newsletter and scanning all the articles and posts I’ve seen before. Maybe a routine of shutting down this computer, throw myself on the couch and watch a noon time show. Or, maybe a routine of dragging myself in the room and wrap myself in a thick cold blanket and read a book until I fall asleep.

When I got tired scrolling, or when the show is done, or when I woke up, what will I do next? Those routines, have I gotten any fulfillment and productivity?

Those routines are just consistent scenarios that were programmed in me. Those routines are just consistent times of me waiting for something great to happen. What would that might be? I don’t know.

These routines are making me bored and think and scream. “Hey, I know this already, can we just move to the next part?” I want a new cheese. Haha. Yeah.

Now, I’m done typing. Can you guess what I’ll do next?

Your BOREDer,

Clarence


I hope everyone would understand how dramatic ladies are before they’re in their… Um… garden.

Love makes me cringe

Cringe
\ˈkrinj\
:  to recoil in distaste

©Merriam

Don’t get me wrong. I love LOVE. I actually receive this everyday. Receiving and giving love is like an apple, it keeps bad things away (but I don’t say doctors are bad. Haha.) However, it makes me cringe. Am I saying that I hate love and it disgusts me? No. As what I’ve mentioned, I love LOVE. It is just so happen that people nowadays have been using love differently. THAT’S WHAT MAKES ME CRINGE. I don’t wanna cite examples but in general, Love has been used selfishly. Love has been defined differently. Love has been used for abominable things which is why Love becomes bitter for many.

There are different aspects of Love; but, let’s focus on the relationship, which is everyone’s fave.

After reading a self-published book of a friend, “LOVE is BLOG“, it made me understand more about love especially to those who are looking for their “The One” or the single people. I even saw the perception of guys pertaining to love. And, getting hope that love is still not dead. Continue reading “Love makes me cringe”

I am an artist for free

I have been designing digitally for about six years now and a year on traditional painting after I attended Graphicka Manila last 2016.

In about 6 six years, I’ve designed for free. Everytime I make layouts, my cousin always asks me if it’s commissioned. No. Then, he tells me to make it a profit since I have been doing that for years. If I’d done that, he multiplies the price to six and the number of design I make and tada! I’m a millionaire. Just kidding!

Those years, people kept on telling me to have it as business. For me, money was never a reason. I design for people and I don’t ask them to pay me unless they insist. To be honest, I didn’t even know how to price my designs. Having those in my portfolio was already enough. Improving my skills through their requests were enough. Continue reading “I am an artist for free”

Baka Pwede Pa

Anong tanong ang may pagsuko at pag-asa
Sana pwede pa
Na kapag gumising ako ng maaga ay tatambad sa akin ang balita na
Pwede pa
Pwede pang dagdagan ang araw ko
Na kahit ilang beses kong gusto ay
Pwede pa akong makalapit sa’yo

Pwede pa
Pwede pa naman dahil may ilang linggo pang nalalabi na
Makasama ka mula gabi hanggang umaga
Makasama ka’t buuin ang iba’t ibang storya ng pagtawa, pag-iyak at pag-iyak at pag-iyak
Sa paglaban na gusto ko pang tagalan ang pananatili
Pero hindi
Hindi ko na pwedeng hilingin

Pero pwede pa naman akong humiling ‘no
Na sana naman
Magkaron at dumating ang tyempo
Na bago ako tuluyang tumalikod
Ay sa harap ko man lang o gilid o kahit sa malayo
Ay bumulong ka o sumigaw at tinatanong sa akin na
Baka pwede pa

Baka pwedeng balikan ang nakaraan ng sa gayon hindi ako lumalaban
Wala akong iniiyakan, iniiwasan
Iniiwasan na sakit kasi tapos na
Ano pa bang gagawin kundi ito na
Ang ginagawa ko ngayon na magtanong ng paulit ulit ulit ulit na pwede pa ba
Pwede pa bang bumalik sa tanong mong baka pwede pa
Pwede ba ‘kong maging tanga?

Hindi pwede kasi tanga nga talaga
Ako
Sa paghaya ng mga pagkakataon na itapon
Ako
Na ang tanga sa patuloy na ipinaglalaban ang sarili sa’yo na baka pwede pa
Sana pwede mo pa akong kailanganin
Ako na ang tanga sa pagpapaisip sa’yo na baka hindi mo kayaning wala ako
Pero kaya mo
Kayang kaya mo

Sana kaya ko
Baka kaya ko rin na balewalain nalang ang lahat ng ginawa ko
Tulad ng ginawa mo
Sana kaya ko
Sana kaya ko nang talikuran ka ng tuluyan at hindi na ko nagtatanong na baka pwede pa
Ito na ang huling tanong
Pwede pa ba?
Ito na ang huling sagot
Pwede pa kitang makalimutan

 

2nd piece
Created last March 1 on the bus

1st piece: Pinili kong wag nalang // August 2016

Remember your reveries

remember

Remember me and the nights we stayed up late, like we’re watching stars togethere and not under the ceilings of our own homes- kilometer away from each other. Gazing, as we talked about things that matter and things that don’t.

Remember me and the times I bared my soul to you the way I never did with anyone else. Like stripping my clothes one by one until there was nothing left. Remember me and the unspoken thoughts I’ve always had, the bizarre situations we pondered upon. The things we will never let anybody else hear. Because nobody else understood.

Remember me like the way you remember every word to your favorite song. Play me on loop, add me on every playlist you have, listen to me every fucking minute until I am burned, I am etched in the back of your hear. I wanna be that song that haunts you, that song you unconsciously hum all day long.

Remember me like your favorite childhood memory. The one that brings a smile on your face. The one you like to reminisce every once in a while. The one you tell every one about. The one written in the pages of your tattered journal that you keep under your bed. The one you know you’d still remember no matter how old you’re going to get.

Remember me like the way I know I’m going to remember you.

Author,
MadiJane

If love enters…

If love enters between two worlds, change comes in. Change always comes. It will either have both people change gradually or briskly just to make both worlds compatible. This is like how Bella became a vampire, how people change their religion, how they switch into a different lifestyle, or how they left their social status.

Change happens all the time.

I talked to my mom when I was having my breakfast. My mind was active that morning and also it’s the perfect time for me to have a conversation with her. I opened up about the guy I like. She remembered him and repeated the story I told her before. Yeah. I told her that I have shared this guy to my trusted friend. Then, here’s my friend who gave me a “Not him” answer because he didn’t pass the qualification. Let’s say that “this” qualification is the number one thing I need for the future.

So, what now? Continue reading “If love enters…”

When Clarence met Clarence

I used to hate it  when I met someone who has the same spelling of my name. I didn’t show how much I dislike it  but there are always and always these times that I became close with them.

My name is supposed to be Trixy or Trixie or whatever the spelling is as long as it sounds like Pixie. However, I really thank the author who made the science book that my mom read when she was carrying me in her womb. She read it and saw the name Clarence.

I like it. It doesn’t sound feminine and masculine for me. And with so much curiosity, I googled it and basically looked for a scientist named Clarence. I found one on Wikipedia. He is Clarence Ellis, a computer scientist. I don’t think he is the same scientist as who my mom saw because his face is kinda modern and of course he is a computer scientist and computer is an advance device, so maybe he is not the one. However, while I was writing this – on the other hand, I was searching for other old scientist. There I found an old portrait of a medical scientist named Clarence John Blake. It’s pretty cool that I hardly find information about him.

Just like him, living with this name is bit hard ’cause I can’t find any personalize item with my name on it though it’s no big deal. I think it is a relief for me when I find someone who has the name as mine.

Answered prayer but I didn’t pray for it. Continue reading “When Clarence met Clarence”

When I do things I don’t really do

My head’s like heaven, like a cloud, like a fog
Many blurred things to see from the future, present, and past
From every corner of my circle, there it is. Aha!
Like a virus, entering the one that pumps the blood

And again, another perspective began
Saying no from yes, then again it is yes
Do you see how unfathomable it is?
Than even I, nor science cannot explain

In my eyes I see how it electrified me
The sparks that starts, is it from you or from the above?
I am afraid I might burn from the spark that starts
Now my blood boils. The emotion make it stop!

Please make it stop, I might fall. I am scared again.
I do things I don’t really do begin.
Oh heaven help me! Are you there? Listen?
Or is it his heaven and my heaven that made me fall in love again?

Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset
Processed with VSCOcam with f2 preset

My inspirational song in making this not so good prose